My thoughts, expressed

Woof.

2012-02-13T03:08:00.001-08:00

Dogs gonna bark. Let people say what they want while we move on. Thats the way it should be.

Anyways some photos :)

2012-02-08T07:03:00.001-08:00

2012-02-04T08:08:00.001-08:00

Nem.

2012-01-31T07:16:00.001-08:00

Im starting to not care about anything else. Feels good to not be judged and not feel judged by anyone. I do as i please.its my life, i control my world. Ive decided to go do what i want and pursue my dreams. The beginning of the realisation of a dream. Starts here, right now.

Another topic here. Theres this person that really makes me ponder on certain facets of relationships. How does she do it? Although i have some idea of the things she does that attracts people to her like metal nails to a magnet, i do feel that the repulsion from the external factors just simply cannot be ignored. I simply will not and cannot accept the discomfort of viewing the expression of His creativity on this person. From the very same palette He created the only one who caused the heart to become a slave, forever blinded by its beauty.

Anyways, the love and hope.

2012-01-28T07:14:00.001-08:00

Norm.

2012-01-24T06:58:00.001-08:00

End of the CNY thingys and stuff. Didnt do anything for studies. Im just pure lazy and i know it. Its just not me. I love doing sports. Books just aint my thing. But im still planning to get 2-3 points for Os so.....yeah. Anyways im really tired and this post's reallyreally boring. Haha. Guess im just feeling pretty angry/nervous/sad/tired/reluctant. Allll mixed up together. Dont stop updating ur blog! I read it everyday! Hope i meet u someday hahaha^^ aight school tmr i shall go sleeeeep. Nights peeeeps!

IDCute.

2012-01-21T09:06:00.001-08:00

Oh no havent been blogging in awhile...... Dayuum. Anyways, i have $250 to spend at ADIDAS!!! Omg cant wait to go buy stuffs tmr!!! I feel like i should post more pictures here. Its kinda boring if its all text issnt it? Haha yeah needa upload a ton of photos each time hahahah^^ there's this cute girl's blog im reading haha. its not bad cause theres lots of photos hehe^^ im so tired right now, im just staring info blank space and thinking about nothing haha. Adidas products are sooooo expensive k? 1 t-shirt for $69 bucks? Hahah i can buy smth similar at toa payoh for $8 okayyyyy. Its all about branding i guess. Aight im off to sleeeeep. Too tired haha. NIGHTS BABEEE!<3

This girl below quite cute hahaha.

8 people.

2012-01-15T05:51:00.001-08:00

I am really bored now. Having reunion dinner with my mom's side. Food issnt the best. Not my type. I need more meat! All this abalone. So gross. No offence to anyone but abalone smells and tastes disgusting to me. The place feels really empty now...... Nothing to do. Twitter's really boring. No one tweeting anything interesting. Same for facebook. Anyways stalked afew people today. Namely BL. Its scary how much he changed. From such a decent guy to a guy who hangs out with people who smoke, people who drink. Its quite sad. Yes, he may be enjoying his "teenage-hood" now unlike me, but what about the future? I hope he'll wake up and realise that we dont just live in the present. We live to do well in the future. His "girlfriend". Didnt expect something like that. She smokes like nobody's business. Yes,shes pretty and has a 'model' figure, but shes not gonna do you any good. Although im in no position to tell you what to do or what not to do, i sincerely hope youll at least do well in your Os. Yeah. Sometimes when i look at you, i ask myself, am i missing out? What have you guys been doing? Why is it that i dont have such cliques or groups to go out with? Issit my personality? The way i dress? Must i dress like you? Caps and checkered shirts and tight jeans with nose piercings and lip piercings? Is that what girls like nowadays? It just really confuses me. Aight enough about him.......wish him the best. Some pics on the newspaper collection later. Having a leadership role is pretty tiring. Sometimes you just wanna escape from all responsibilities and slack. Great experience though. Gonna reminisce it. Aight enough for now...... Gonna go relax. She wants her name tag back. Im feeling more and more confident in myself now. No acting, no playing. Now its pure me. What i really am deep inside. Comfort in my own skin. Aightaight cyaaaa

2012-01-14T05:54:00.001-08:00

Ping.

2012-01-13T06:38:00.001-08:00

Clazziquai Project. I am addicted to this song at the moment, so i shall do a little "review" on it.
The song starts off with electical beats in a mysterious minor-ish mode. The vocals then join in gently. The way the singer holds his notes using abit of vibrato gives the song a very sexy feel. He then moves into a more major-ish mode as the song proceeds towards the chorus. The chorus is like so energetic. Like a "party-high" feel. Lovely. The singer's control over the change in notes and the smoothness of his voice is just amazing. Its almost like he's singing and holding the note through his nose. Its a cool song. Not one youll expect. Anyways yeah will post abit more later. Ciao^^

2012-01-12T06:08:00.001-08:00

Precise.

2012-01-11T07:19:00.001-08:00

I am exhausted. Cant believe i did some AVA stuffs today. As you know(or most likely not), i have a terrible relationship with someone from my 2nd cca (if im even still in it anymore). Somehow the teacher in charge trusted him more than me and ousted me in mid sec 3. Havent gone for duty since then. Well, this guy is a totally irritable guy and i doubt he will go on much further in life with such an unpleasant and unwilling attitude. It is with such people that we have to show them who we are and what we can do. Dont look down on yourself just cause someone is looking down on you. Anyways he was just so sarcastic at everything i did today and i just smiled and proceeded to do what i was asked to do. After that, performed with the band-which i feel wasnt too good due to the choice of songs- and physics remedial. You know how when people are soo stressed that they laugh at everything? Its really crazy and weird. But its fun. A desperate but successful attempt to lose some of that tension.
Tuition afterwards. I tried my very best not to look at her but i couldnt. She still seems so perfect to me. Why???? Dammit luh..........shes moved on and i still have that little bit of feelings left. Anyways......yeah. Tomorrow's gonna be a much more tiring day but there are perks! (PE LESSONS!!!!!) hahaha! Gonna buy more tidbits up to class to keep myself awake. So tasty...yumyum....2x times 4y......yumyum hahahah^^ okay im getting tired already. Gonna go sleep now! NIGHTS<333

Stumbled upon this. Cry it out.

From the back...

2012-01-10T06:20:00.001-08:00

Didnt do much today. Woke up and found that 2 "brackets/studs" of my braces became loose. Couldnt find my uniform as well. Woke up early for the 1st time :) studied until 530 then dental to remove the 2 loose studs. Argh i feel so tired right now. Wanna sleep alr ahaha^^ why am i still thinking about that time where i back hugged her at the balcony? Dayum :/ kk gotta sleep. SOMEONE ELSE!

No time.

2012-01-08T07:59:00.001-08:00

Omg my mind doesnt have blogging as part of the schedule. ANYWAYSSSSSSSSSS!!! Haha i came to blog cause i was reading some chiobu's blog. Ahahaha not gonna post link here heheee^^ these few days were totally stressful. Tons of work and alot of catching up to do. Argh give me more time pleaseeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Went to play football today at jurong. Westwood sec ir smthing like that. Had a fantastic 1st half. Scored 2 goals. One from a free kick then another from a shot in the penalty box. Sheer joy :) did quite abit of homework this weekend although i didnt do any chem. disappointed in myself. Its only january and im studying till like 11 on normal days. Dont know whats coming in the future. Hope i dont run out of steam too soon.....Aights gonna go sleep now! NIGHTS AND SWEET DREAMS TO ANYONE OUT THERE!<3

Second.

2012-01-04T07:50:00.001-08:00

Im so loving school. Mainly due to the aircon. Haha. I dont mind sittjng in class all day. So comfy heheee^^ im really sad about someone. Ugh. Its like she has so many other people around her that i dont mean anything to her. Dammit ;((( should just give up alr luh haizzz. Aight gonna sleeeeeep! Cant wait for school tmr :))) nights! HUGGG!

Strings. Theyre pulling.

2012-01-03T07:49:00.001-08:00

1st day of school today. It was overall quite a good day :) loving the air-con. The environment is fantastic and i dont mind sitting in class all day :) other than having a biased form teacher, the rest was more or less okay. Took some pictures hahaha. Will be taking more tomorrow :D hahaha^^ wonder what tomorrow will be like. I don think itll be too pleasant but yeah nevermind. Havent touched chem, physics and maths in a long time. Studied history and did abit of english. Haha ive been doing english due to the fact that i have been blogging and apparently it helps. Haha gonna download afew songs b4 i sleep.....im feelin pretty sad about it but shouldnt have gotten tied up in this. I think way too much. I dont stand a chance. I forgot about it and went too deep. Time to pull out. Anyways gonna sleep soon. Hope school will make everything better! :) Nights.

2011-12-31T09:54:00.001-08:00

This will be my post on last year!(obviously,haha) anyways, a ton of things happened to me last year, mainly the girl who changed my life so drastically. This is like a quick summary of the important stuff that i can remember (im sorry if theres alot of stuff about her, she was all i remembered and thought about.) Anyways Ill try to remember as much as possible! Here goes!

JANUARY
Started school with new classmates. Started talking to WuChi alot due to the fact that he was the only guy i knew and wanted to talk to. Nothing much really happened here.

FEBRUARY
Secondary 3 life was starting to get tough and i wasnt able to cope too well. CO practice started to become more intense.

MARCH
Started going to tuition. I was told that there would be another cat high guy there. Ended up in the same class as a girl. Started to like her and talked to her on the last week of this month.
CO practice was crazy. Early in the morning as well as in the afternoon.

APRIL
Tuition girl added me on facebook to ask if i could make it on a certain date for tuition. I tried my best to flirt with her and stuff and after a long few days i finally got her number. 1st time i went out with tuition girl.(from now on she shall be called "B")
Walked her dog with her, had some jogs with her, went to bishan active, bought her bubble tea. My feelings for her grew so much i was crazy about her. On my birthday she gave me a hand-written loving card. Loved it. The next day (ROYAL WEDDING DAY) we went out to "study". Went to TPY sky garden and took pictures. 1st time i hugged her. Held her for an hour before walking home with her.

MAY
Syf was over. Planned to do well in the following exam. Did average. My relationship with B was growing. We sat next to each other in tuition every lesson. Soon enough, she fell hard for me and we were together. Towards the end of the month we went out on a real date. Held hands the entire day and ate 3 meals together. Was so proud to have her with me. She held a high post in her school and could not be seen with other guys or couldnt do bad stuff. I couldnt upload any of our pictures and couldnt tell many people about it. She kept quiet about it as well.

JUNE
This was the peak of everything. Nothing in the world was more important than B to me. She was my everything. In tuition we played with each other, fed food to each other, whispered into each other's ears and did many other "scandalous" things (that was how she said it) We planned out our tuitions together and agreed to meet before tuition to walk together. Starting from the second week of this month, we had tuition everyday. She wanted to hug me so we found a staircase that wasnt really used. Hugged there for half an hour each day. Then on the 22nd, i played abit and bit her lips. The next day we had our 1st kiss. Sheer joy. Did it everytime we went tuition from then on. Then all of a sudden she told me that we were going to have problems and her parents were unhappy. Went out for the last time for a concert. We knew it was going to be our last date.

JULY
This is where everything started to go terribly wrong. She smsed me that we needed to talk again. Apparently her mum had asked about us and didnt want me to touch her in anyway. (holding hands was not allowed as well) she told me that she didnt want to lie to her parents anymore and that we had to stop what we were doing. I couldnt accept it so i didnt respond to it well. I was sad. Really sad. She saw it but stood strong. We quarrelled over this. I really didnt want to let her go. In school, my relationship with the imedia people went downhill. Everytime i stepped into the studio i was either told to fuck off or get lost. Lifes like that.

JULY
She saw all my sadness and glumness. She felt that i wasnt what she wanted anymore. She told me straight in the face that she didnt like me anymore and that we had to break up immediately. I cried. I had chinese o level oral this month i think. Academically i was doing fine. Officially joined the mr mac band.

AUGUST
Heartbreak set in. I never stopped thinking about her and all the memories we had. I tried to keep myself busy with all the performances and games and studies. Not once did i not think of her. She was just part of me already. Now she was gone. Performed with mr mac's band for national day. It was great. Loved it :)

SEPTEMBER
The month with hurt me the most. I cried numerous times (just shows how much i loved her and missed her) we no longer sit next to each other in tuition. Tuition became a real pain. Everytime i see her my heart just breaks. I sms her once in a while asking her how she was and what she was doing and she asked me to stop caring about her. I cried again. The girl who was once so perfect to me now became the one who dissed me. Ive become one of the many guys who were despo over her and that she hated. She became my worst fear. I still loved her. Her birthday was on the last week of the month. She wouldnt answer my phone calls or reply my messages. I prepared a gift for her and waited for her. She didnt reply so i went up to her house and left it there. That was the last time i smsed her. It felt like i had let a heavy burden down as soon as i left her doorstep. I promised myself to move on as soon as i gave her that present that i took over a month to prepare.

OCTOBER
I have to admit, i still couldnt forget about her. Its really tough but the wounds are healing. Took my EOYs and didnt fail a single subject.

NOVEMBER
Once or twice a week i still think about her. Ive more or less moved on. Well, slightly more than 70% alright. It was post EOYs and planned to enjoy myself. Didnt enjoy at all due to O level chinese. Spend the entire month practicing for pipa diploma exam.

DECEMBER
Pipa ended on the 10th. Started practicing for Countdown Party on 12th. I spent this entire month slacking and going out. Had alot of fun and alot of loneliness as well. Havent found anyone since losing her. Its been 6 months and im about 95% over her. Yeah. I went out with WX's friends and stuff. One of the best days ever since the breakup. Anyways practiced alot and yeah loved it. Christmas was the day i felt the most lonely. With ks continually going out with his gf and stuff it was just rubbing salt into my wounds. Went downstairs to sit alone. Sat there for about an hour reflecting and stuff yeah. Practice was what i wanted to do the most. I loved it so much. It was the only time i can actually sit there with daryl and talk about life in cat high, life outside cat high, girls, events and stuff. We climbed the school gate everytime we got locked in. Pretty cool. Yeah so ended the year with a performance at kampong ubi. And thats about it. Yeah i think ill sms her just for the new year. Im over her already dont worry. Yeah a pretty sucky year so next year will definitely be muchmuch better. Confirm. Plus chop. Yeah HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!! I LOVE YOU. ALL OF YOU<333

Next.

2011-12-29T08:52:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow's the last 3/5HARDWYRED practice ;( gonna miss this loads. Anyways yeah im still excited about performing and stuff :)) this is like a really short post haha. Tomorrow's post is gonna be long. Yeahhhh.... Now all i gotta do is relax and have a nice good nights worth of sleep. Nights! TTMP?<3

Tied.

2011-12-27T09:15:00.001-08:00

Heyhey havent blogged in awhile now....... Ive been enjoying these few days. Especially practice haha. Anyways all of a sudden im feeling kinda lonely again. Yeah. 4 people make me feel this way. No names but they mean a lot to me. Anyways cant seem to figure out what i actually want. Ive been making decisions that make me feel terrible. Dayummmm. Argh life's so toughhhh ;( andand gotta finish my compo before school reopens. Yeah im excited for countdown. Gonna meet new people over there again :) hope i do get something out of it this time.... Ive been trying to change my personality recently. I wanna feel more comfortable in my own skin. Not everyone can do that. Thats why im practicing haha. Cant wait for practice tmr again. Its like my safe heaven. No one touches me or disturbs me in anyway. And i enjoy it. But itll come to an end on Friday.....nevermind. Needa let things go. Heart's too tied up. Haiz dont know how to release myself. Im still a small boy i guess. Not too suitable for anyone older than me.... Alright im gonna sleeeeeep! NIGHTS <3

2011-12-25T22:27:00.001-08:00

Christmas.

2011-12-24T04:55:00.001-08:00

Hating christmas to the max. Maybe its cause im alone. Yeah. 2011 has to be the worst year ever (the second half,at least). Cant wait to start a new year. Hope itll be good. Gotta change myself already. Really tired of this. Gotta get rid of this old self. Guess ill spend my christmas in the library. Gonna do work and stuff yeah. Oh, ALONE. Yeah. As usual since july. Kinda resent my family. So different and boring. BORING IS THE WORD. Thats life for me i guess. Everything's like still. Not moving at all. Cant wait for monday. Stupid weekends >:( argh just so frustrated now i dont know what to say. No one on twitter, no one on fb, NO ONE. Everyone's having a great time and im here blogging alone. Yeah its how its done esmond. Anyways bye. Have fun.

<3

2011-12-22T08:19:00.001-08:00

^^

2011-12-22T06:34:00.001-08:00

Awesome day today. Went out to somerset to play ahaha^^ cineleisure idk how spelll. Watched alvin and the chipmunks. YESSSS POOOOL. Awesome. I like poool ttm! Hahaha^^ anyways can wait to practice again tomorrow! Gonna end the year with a BANG! Shall blog more soon :)

:)

2011-12-21T19:05:00.001-08:00

Goong out with peeps idk. Gonna be cool :)

Should.

2011-12-18T10:02:00.001-08:00

Im seriously angry. Cant believe this type of people exist. Cant stand it. Anyways nothing much....gonna go sleep now. Seriously? Make up your mind already.

2011-12-18T01:24:00.001-08:00

Havent blogged for awhile now, was busyyyyyy(well,not really) haha. Anyways these past few days were really relaxed and chilled. Makes me feel really lonely though. Like no one to go out with and stuff. Wished i had someone i could meet everyday :/ anyways im like packing my notes now. That'll make it easier for me to study next year haha. I hope so at least. Found the cardigans that i wanna buy already. Wanna get it at a cheaper price though. Hmmm. Idk when to go buy as well. Haha. Maybe go alone again. Yeah. Ugh just realised how much B and I scribbled on our notes when we were together. Every tuition note i have is full of her handwritting. Miss her loads. But shes gone. Anyways cant wait for practice tomorrow then full field at st wilfred on tuesday. KS house on wed then idk what to do with the rest of the week. Haha practicing almost everyday now, really enjoyable!^^ love making music. Need some comments and opinions though. Aight shall record the next few times :)) i feel like ive been missing out on alot lately. Maybe its due to the fact that i dont think too much about going out. Ill jump at every opportunity from now on :) okays shall blog more later! Hugggs <3

2011-12-17T20:53:00.001-08:00

BreakDown.

2011-12-15T09:06:00.001-08:00

Omgosh i didnt update yesterday. I was going to, but i fell asleep haha. Anyways went to KS's house yesterday to play.brought my PlayStation to his house, played FIFA, crazy taxi and other games like that. After that, watched vids then played abit of real football at the entrance of his house (landed property). Its a great place to train. Really cool. He was smsing his gf the entire time. His gf then asked him to call and skype. Left his home about that time to go school for 3/5 hardwyred practice. We're improving :) its great. Practicing almost everyday. We're performing on the last day of the year so we wanna end it with a bang! Of course, gonna see if i can get someone there ahahahhahah^^ nahhh more focused on the performance :) daryl's probably bring JQ along and maybe she'll bring her friend JL along too. Haha she likes me. So weird. Do i look that mature? Hahaha. Mistook me for a JC1. Anyways did nothing much again today. Went for 3/5 hardwyred practice and thats about it. Went to J8 for dinner. Crazily crowded there due to the disruption of Mrts. All the commuters had to take bus from the same bus stop and there were police there to try and control the situation. Nothing too fancy so went to mos burger to eat. I know quality over quantity but 3.80 for a burger the size of my palm? The beef was 10 times less than the amount they gave 5 years ago. Absolutely terrible. Try not to go back there again. Argh havent gotten my cardigan yet. Cant wait to go shoppingggggggg. (Alone or not) hope there will be match next tuesday. Wanna play with Edric again. Havent seen him in a longlong time. Wonder how hes like now. Ahaha. Oh yeah, best entertainer ever. AARON TAN. Hes wayy tooo funny ahahaha. "HONG HERE HONG THERE, YOU THINK YOUR HAIR VERY COOL ISSIT?" hahaha laughed like crazy watching his death threat video. I think he thinks that hes very mature. If he was, he wouldnt have uploaded the video and wouldnt need to go to Boy's Home. Haha loser. Yeah loser but nowadays more and more girls like this type of guy. Just as my mum said "Handsome guys get ugly girls. Ugly guys get the pretty girls" So true k. Oh sh*t i sound weird hahahah. Aight its late. Gonna go sleep soon nights :))<3333

2011-12-13T09:57:00.001-08:00

Haha another good day :) cage mid-day, rest then practice. :)) Cant wait to perform! Ahaha although in my heart im like "Cant wait to meet new people!" its gonna be great. Expecting to end the year well then :) thursday's match is cancelled, which leaves me free for that day. Probably going shopping. Not sure yet cause i dont feel like going alone ahaha :) still doing photo editing^^ its so fun! Haha edit anyone i know haha and see what they look like with make-up on or stuff like that haha :) i like making people look better in photos^^ hehe. Was just editing a photo of my long-time crush. Haha pretty naturally. Dont needa add anything ;) going KS house in the morning tomorrow. Haha i feel tired. Okayyyyys shall sleep now! Cant wait! IM ENJOYING LIFE!!!!!

Verge.

2011-12-12T09:51:00.001-08:00

Last minute blogging ahaha^^ my phone's gonna die soon in like another 10 mins. I have to admit, im abit jealous. Darn. Shall not think so much. Jw, im disappointed not cause others dont want me to play. Its cause youre the organiser and youre so affected by what a little boy said. I play with people who hate me all the time. Piss them off by winning. Thats how its done. This weeks great! Best week ever ahaha^^ i shall not run too much tmr. Just testing the boots. No injuries i hope! Aight nothing much to talk about today also. Oh went jamming in the afternoon and thats about it. Haha daryl and his "girlfriend" again. Shes quite pretty to be honest. Hmmm nothing else haha. Aights kay bye :) blog tmr!

2011-12-11T06:51:00.001-08:00

This is what we get.

Only.

2011-12-11T05:22:00.001-08:00

Today was super relaxed. Did almost nothing productive today haha. Woke up, ate, played fifa, watch khuntoria, eat, yeah thats pretty much it. Haha omg nothing much to post now! Bleh im still thinking about the cotton on cardigan. So nice! But $19.90! Hope i can find better ones at penin for a cheaper price :) rawr ok im bored. Shall go and sleep now :) nights hahahaha^^

Well.

2011-12-10T10:18:00.001-08:00

Done with pipa now!!!!! ENJOYYYYY MY HOLIDAYYYYYY WHOOOO!!!! Haha havent started enjoying yet. Shall start tmr! Hahahahaha^^ i dont really know what to do but yeah. Heheeee^^ anywaysssss feelin pretty good now haha. Done really feel like saying anything else....hmmmm.............yeah nothing much. No one misses me or anything...as usual haha. Aight nights:))

Fast.

2011-12-09T08:31:00.001-08:00

Today passed really quickly. Must be the FIFA or smth. Anyways diploma exam tmr! Gotta look good again! Show the people how its done! Haha^^ not really nervous at all :) gotta chill and make sure i dont screw up. Im back to square one again....it was a good try, didnt get what i wanted though. Nevermind, I'll try again next time. Maybe someone else? Haha you never know ^^ shall just relax and see what comes along :) oh yeah, i wanna go buy cardigans. Searched online buy cant seem to find the one i want. I want a buttonless one that has a really thin material so that i can wear in SINGAPOREEEE. So warm. Yeahhh gotta find that. I wanna buy two, one blue one orange^^ hee. Shoes? Uhhh sleese leather converse style shoes. 25 bucks. Pretty decent haha. Uhhhh.......boots? I dont know manzx. Feel like getting new ones but i still have my F50s. Cant just leave em there..... Shall wear them some time soon.....i needa find more plain white tees as well. Haha^^ hmmm what else? Nothing much already. Yeah. Not too worried about tomorrow's exam. Haha i dont know why. Weird since its like the most important one. Aight gonna go sleep! Hope everything is well tomorrow! Nightsssssss!

Something like this.

Haha.

2011-12-08T07:50:00.001-08:00

TOTALLY DIDNT GO OUT TODAY. Stayed at home to practice and watch vids haha^^ im at the last episode! (which is great cause i dont want it to affect my diploma exam) arrrr practiceeeeeee! CANT WAIT TO GET OVER AND DONE WITH IT! Oh yeah, gonnnaaaa go buy clothes for new year :) awesomeeee! Dont know what to spend on exactly yet though. Gotta window shop abit more. Take down notes of the prices and stuff haha. So weird. Anyways was emo-ing ytd but today's much better :) slept for about 4 hrs? Yeah about there. OH YEAH I STILL NEED TO PRACTICE BASS GUITAR AFTER PIPA. Glasgow kiss! Nice piece but crazily crazy. K i dont think that made any sense. Anyways countdown performance? Hope itll be as good as the VJC performance. We gotta get the crowd going yawwwww! Hahaa. Aighttt shall blog more tmr? Im glad i did it. That was all i needed <3 thank you :) gonna sleep well tonight!

2011-12-07T10:40:00.001-08:00

Cant seem to explain how i feel now. My heart's racing but im tired. From everything. Im sorry. You should carry on with your life and not bother about this little kid who will never be anything. People want you. I dont have that. That is the difference. I hope youll see it. Its small. But its there. Im srry.

2011-12-07T10:33:00.001-08:00

When youre up alone listening to the clock tick while everyone's asleep, when all you need doesnt need you, thats when you'll understand.

Warm.

2011-12-07T09:34:00.001-08:00

Nah this issnt a post about warmth from love or anything. Its literally, warm. I kinda wished i lived in a place that issnt as warm as singapore. Reason? I wanna wear nice clothes haha. Jeans everyday, cardigans, nice jackets.....yeah, all of those. Not that it cant happen in singapore but its just way too uncomfortable sometimes to be wearing jeans. Just a short 4 minute walk from my house to school can make me sweat till my hair gets clumped together. Thats when all my HARD WORK ;( goes down the drain...... Myyyy hairrrrrr!!!!!!! Hahaha joking. Nah. Anyways i tried to do my hair differently today. Tried to keep it neat but still with style. Main difference is with the sides though. Not gonna post picture cause i dont have any! Hahaha. Didnt take. Dont wanna be a narssictic prince :) i only admire myself sometimes. Hehe^^ anyways gotta work hard later. No more excuses. Gotta put my heart and soul into pipa again. 2 more days! Haha :))) then i can do whatever i want. Go shopping alone! Having no one who cares about you or want tobe with you calls for a self-shop trip! Headphones on, and there you go. Act cool and get the stares from girls like i used to. A long time ago though that was. Yeah. Right now still nothing much happening though. Im still pretty confused and stuff. Change of style? Yeah maybe. Im getting bored of myself.....yeah. Guess i should smile less. Seems more real then. Otherwise i wont be taken seriously. Kayy shall not talk about all those emotional stuff again. School's starting in about 20 day's time. Havent done anything fun the entire holiday. Guess this is how my life's gonna be for the rest of the year. Next year? We'll see. Obviously hoping for the better. Aight nights. Blog again soon tmr. Cya. :) (doubt anyone's reading this blog)

2011-12-07T07:35:00.001-08:00

Awwwww :) "dont give up liking me" <33 hahahahaha niceeeeeee one luhhhhh^^ haha i think im drama crazy! Hahahahaha

For abit.

2011-12-07T05:47:00.001-08:00

Almost done with the day :) enjoyed it :)))) woke up and watched heartstrings and practiced pipa abit. Went out at about 5 to ks's house to watch him play abit of maple hahaha. We played FIFA after that. Awesome. Real fun! Hahaha. After that, rushed to boon keng st wilfred for futsal. Played ok, not my best though. Couldve done better. Im starting to get sick of my f30s. Arrrrrgghhhh more money wasted. Drank vitamin water today.. Now i know what it tastes like. Aight gonna bathe now! Be back soon! Real soon haha^^

2011-12-06T18:29:00.001-08:00

I may look like one, but im not your first-aid kit. So dont treat me like one.

Add.

2011-12-06T09:22:00.001-08:00

Haha used my photo editing skillzzz and added some life into it. The top one's the original and the bottom edited. Enjoy :)

2011-12-06T08:50:00.001-08:00

I wanna be lee shin. The cool guy every girl likes.

Fragile.

2011-12-06T08:34:00.001-08:00

I dreamt yesterday night that my friend had died. That guy whom no one took seriously. That guy whom no one cared too much about. Yeah. He died. What happened afterwards was really shocking. Everyone acted as if nothing happened and moved on. A quote from somewhere said that your life can only be counted by the number of people who turn up at you funeral. I agree fully. The people who turn up at your funeral are the ones who care for you, did what they could for you, looked up to you, knew you. I wonder who would be at my funeral if i were to die at this moment. Friends? Maybe about 5? Family for sure. Bianca? She wouldnt want to have anything to do with me i guess. The very girl whom i was so into, the girl whom i gave everything to, just had to end up like that. We just had to become further than strangers. If she were to turn up at my funeral then i'd die with no regrets. None at all. Yes i know, i sound so emotional and all. But its true. Thats why i put it up here. All my thoughts. Completely honest thoughts. I know for sure, most definitely, one day I'll see her with another guy. Im sure. I wouldnt know how to react. I guess she'll just walk past me as though she didnt know me. As though i didnt exist. But this is life. Honestly, i truly believe that we are in hell. This is what hell looks like. We are the ones being punished. This is where the pain, and worries are. This is where we will all get burnt to ashes in the end. This is the place. Since we are all gonna get burnt, then why not do as much as we can before it happens. Lets do what we like and cut down on what we dont. We only live for an average of 68 years so lets make good use of it. That one girl/boy that you always wanted, go out there and get him/her. You'll know if he/she 's the right one then. No point just looking and staring. Go for it. No hesitation or fear. Jump straight into it. But yeah, as im typing this, im also trying to get myself to go up and tell her. That beautiful girl. Her voice just captivates me <3 her personality is perfect to me. That girl, i dont know if i have that drive to get her. Wait, let me put on my headphones and immerse myself in her voice again........aight back. Listening to her sing "thirteen" then later "when she loved me". Hope she does well in the future :) dammit, i want these braces off right now. I look terrible with braces. ;( anyways shall not rant too much. Tomorrow's gonna be fun in the afternoon. Morning? Boring practice again. Stupid diploma ;( waste my time luh. Grrrrrr. Playing her "when she loved me" now. Her voice is just so beautiful! Omg cant take it! Wanna hug her hahaha. Going out with ks tmr. Ahahaha FIFA! Awesome. Wonder who's the old woman he said we'll be meeting. Mysterious hahah. Kk shall sleep soon. Gotta wake up early to practice. Alright shall blog again tomorrow when i have the time. Loves <33

Two.

2011-12-06T00:17:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was pretty fun. Went to school in the afternoon after practicing pipa for awhile at home. Brother had friends over. Weird. The way they looked at me. After recording abit in school, xj and i went to eat. Walked around alot just to find a decent place to eat. Talked alot about girls esp KC from VJ haha. It was fun. Today wasnt too good. Woke up feeling terrible. Never slept well. Not once. Feeling terrible. Went to massage chair straight away. Watched tv, ate some curry then watched heartstrings for awhile. Right now im in school. Supposed to do some recording but a really detestable person is in there and i dont wanna go in. Seriously. I dont wanna even look at him. Everytime i see him i wanna take a knife and stab him over and over again. Shall wait out here. Feeling pretty low these few days. Guess its gonna be like that for awhile. Cant wait to get pipa done and over with. No more lessons, no more performances. Perfect. Dont come disturb me anymore. I hate it. Waste of time. No girls like guys who play lame chinese instruments. All of them like guitar/piano-playing guys/jocks. Chinese orchestra has no place in any girl's heart. Im lucky im almost done with it. Worst thing ever. Wonder how the rest of today will be like. Fucked up i guess. I dont like vulgarities but yeah. Its gonna be fucked up. Prove me wrong. I hope you do. Anyways i downloaded her songs today. Shes dam awesome at singing. But i dont think Ill ever get her. I dont think God exists as well. Remembered last time i prayed to him every night and everyday for something and he never gave it to me. Never. I dont think Ill ever have it. Now i just have to believe in myself. Its the only person i can trust, i can put hope in. Hes the only person that can change the future. Its me. Hope i get to you soon. Not you bitch. You, the beautiful one. Soon. Ill have to see how things turn out. I think Ill be some little kid at the back again. Insignificant. Ill change. Do well in academics,sports,and music. Become an all rounder. Then i shall give everyone that cold attitude. You'll get it. All of you. Soon Ill be like that. No more mr nice guy.

Blog.

2011-12-04T09:04:00.001-08:00

I am wondering if theres anyone (people around my age only) still blogging. I am really interested to find/read a blog of someone whom updates his/her blog frequently. Itll be fun to know everything thats happening to the person issnt it. Haha anyways ate dinner at NYNY (New York New York) at Ang Mo Kio hub just now. Hahaha such a weird experience. There was this reallly cute waitress, im thinking somewhat around my age, working there. When i sat down, she was like staring at me with a shy smile. Then as i was eating like 5-10 minutes later, she walked past my table repeatedly. Everytime i looked at her she was looking at me haha (if you know what i mean) shes really cute haha^^ like a petite little girl. Yeah nothing much today. My brother's friends coming over tmr for a pot luck. Wondering what it'll be like haha^^ aight gonna sleep now :) cya tmr <3

Arrogance.

2011-12-04T02:21:00.001-08:00

Arrogance is important. If you dont have it, you cant do great big things. Having trust in your own ability is important. I believe i am rather arrogant on the pitch. I think its whats most important. You need that winning mentality and that confidence. Put fear into the minds of your opponents. Get the better of them. Its when you are confident then only will you perform well. Not only in football but in other aspects of life. Be sure about yourself. You know yourself best. You know what you want, what you can do, what you dont want to do. Once you can get those factors, presumably negative ones, then only will you be able to be confident in what you do. And when you cant get rid of the factors, you need arrogance. Again, balance is key. Having a little bit of an air of arrogance gives you an extra edge. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE. DO WHAT YOU WANT AND DONT BE ASHAMED OF IT. Whenever you feel like giving up, remember that if you can just bear with it for awhile, youll go a long way. Oh yeah, always believe you are the best and you will be. What you think you are , you become. Personally, on the pitch, i always think that im the best. Thats why i cannot stand losing. Terrible. Anyways gotta eat! Gonna post one more in awhile :) cya!

Studio.

2011-12-03T11:57:00.001-08:00

Did nothing much today..... Woke up at 8 and went to woodlands to pass the pipa to my teacher. Came back to bishan with chocolate milk and went popular to read 442. Its a football magazine in case youre wondering haha. Yeah came home, ate then went to school to play! Haha. The rain was complete madness. SHEER MADNESS. Lightning every 5 seconds or so. It was quite cool though. Yepso went to school and used the studio for awhile and played abit of football ahaha. That was enjoyable. Really enjoyed myself. Ate dinner with Xi Jie and brother after that. Beef ribs noodles. It was not bad really. The bones were soft and i chewed on most of them. The meat was relatively tasty haha. Sauce was great. Came home, bathed then watched abit of football. Yeah didnt do much today but i sure thought about Bianca occasionallyu. Still cant seem to forget her thoroughly... Hope she gets what she wants in the future :) ill move on soon once i find someone else. Yea definitely feel empty inside oncein a while. Especially when im outside around couples. I cant take it when the guy doesnt shower his love on the girl. I definitely will treat her the best i can. I dont wanna lose anyone anymore. Opps i think i already said this in my previous blog post. Yeah.....sorrybout the recent lack of photos. I promise ill take much more photos to put up here. Kayy its like almost 4am. Gotta go sleep! NIGHTS GUYS AND GALS <3 love ya.

2011-12-02T20:44:00.001-08:00

Okay.

2011-12-02T07:36:00.001-08:00

Today was quite a decent day. Haha woke up at about 11. Slacked at home the entire day until about 445 then went out with aspen and brian. Went to orchard, bugis, then scape. Haha. Orchard's kinda nice. Haha havent been there for quite awhile now. Saw lots of couples. Totally jealous k. I feel like if i were to have another chance at a relationship, i would really try to apprecite the girl as much as possible. Dont wanna break up with anyone anymore. I dont wanna find other girls anymore. This next one, i hope we'll last forever. But i gotta find her 1st. And its tough. Real tough.amyways after orchard we went to bugis for lunch. Quite decent meal. Hahah. Rather ex though. After that went to scape to take pics. Yeah and thats about it. Tmr will be back to boring days as usual. Another diploma in 7 days. Terrible life k. YOU, YEAH YOU, MY SOULMATE. LETS MEET ASAP K. IM BEGGING YOU! Haha. Omg despo. Haha kk aight bloggg tmr again. CIAO!

Dayum.

2011-12-01T08:07:00.001-08:00

Had a relatively good time today :) haha. I feel like i havent blogged in a while now.....although it was just ytd i think hahaha. oh manzxzzzz Sam, cant you just accept me?????? Arghhhhhh cant take it anymore haha. Im going to do my best to get her hahaahah. K that sounded really despo :P oh wells haha. Diploma grading today was quite okay, another one in 10 days time. Cant relax yet haha. I really wanna chill. Like seriously. I wanna go out with my friends and hang out. No more tuition for now. Left with pipa. I just made a HUGEEEE mistake of look at her photos again. Those eyes, just so beautiful. Cant seem to forget you completely. Haha the time for me to move on will come. Dont worry. Hope you find a nice guy. It wont be soon before long when ill see you with another guy. Hope i get my girl by then hahaha. Aighttttt had fun today, tmr will be AWESOMEEEE! Haha kk cya peeps who are reading this blog (obviously no one) CIAO!

2011-11-30T09:19:00.001-08:00

Just added you. Wondering if you'll accept my request. Please do! I really like you. Haha. ^^

Path.

2011-11-29T15:53:00.001-08:00

On the way to J8 now....walking and enjoying :)

Reasons why: Football

2011-11-29T09:00:00.001-08:00

So this is the start of my 1st reasons why posts. Hope I'll be doing more in the future. Aight so im gonna start. Its nothing technical so dont worry.you can keep reading if you want to :) I love playing football. Its just in my heart. When i see a football i get excited. I wanna play all the time. And i would have to say, im pretty good at it. Haha. When im on the pitch, whether its on the street or a secondary school field or a stadium pitch, i feel like everything else in life becomes secondary. Pain,love,heartbreak,sorrows,memories, everything that i cant seem to escape, they just fall away. All that worries and frustrations. All go away when im playing. Its like my safe heaven. Everyone has a place where they can escape from everything around them. And for me, its on the pitch. That 90 minutes on the field means everything to me. I love the game. Its just me. My passion, my joy. Thats why i have a pair of boots called passion and joy. When i play its like i need no one else. No one there to stop me. No one there to add to my troubles. Its especially at these times where i want and need to play the most. Its when no one's here for me. When every other girl has a guy. When i dont have a girl. When everyone has someone else. When everyone has something else to do. Thats when football is the most precious to me. The satisfaction of scoring goals is just amazing. Its the closest anyone can get to an orgasm. Its epic. Thats what i need. When i dont have someone there for my, someone i can shower my love on, yes, i need more football. I'd give football up to be with someone special to be honest. But it doesnt work that way. It doesnt. Most girls like the jocks. Am i a jock? I dont know. I wanna be an all rounder. Ive got a decent face, decent height, decent personality, musically talented, sporty etc. Ive gotten a beautiful girl then lost her, and now its so damn difficult to find someone else? Are you serious? Ok dayum im getting too far from the topic. Ok back to football. It spurs me on. When i feel like killing myself, when girls reject me, when you just have to ignore me, when i do something for you and nothing comes out of it, when lifes a bitch, when nothing works out for me, when im on the verge of exploding, i know....i know somewhere, deep in my heart, that i have to live for the game. Its a pity if i kill myself. Although you have made me think about it before. Its terrible. Now all i want is to concentrate. Concentrão. Metal focus. Ill get that elusive girl on that day. On bloody 31 DECEMBER. YOU GIRL, YOU WILL BE MINE FOREVER. I will rock the stage for you. We will fall in love. I dont care how its gonna be done. IT WILL. I believe it will happen. Yes now i know why thise memories came up now. I feel empty. Luckily im playing football tomorrow. Away from the CLAWS of the matters of the heart. Yep thats enough for today. GIRL, IM COMING FOR YOU.

Pop.

2011-11-29T08:32:00.001-08:00

Somehow i just remembered us walking together and just talking about stuff :) it was great. We even forgot the two behind us. It was such a long time ago and we've changed. We gotta admit it. Its not gonna be the same again. Im not gonna be sec 2 again hanging out with you. Haha wondering if i changed for the better. Although i know in your heart, im just a small boy. Someone unimportant. Someone you could live without. The way you are right now. Those were great times. I still remember sitting beside you on the bus and you took my headphones. I was so nevous sitting next to you. Such an adorable and cute girl. Couldnt help it. It just happened to flash past my eyes from my head. Yeah. It was a real long time ago. Real long. Didnt know i could be so attracted to someone on the same day i met her and end up walking and chatting with her. But the end-product is important and i can feel it aint coming. Never.

Yeah.

2011-11-28T08:39:00.001-08:00

Am i handsome/cute? I've heard many people say that im cute. But its so weird. I dont really believe it luh but just now my bandmate told me smth so funny haha. His "crush"'s friend asked him for my name and wanted to know me. OBVIOUSLY I DIDNT KNOW AT THAT POINT OF TIME SO I JUST SAID "HI" AND WALKED AWAY. Anyways shes too old for me haha. Andddddddddddd....abit bimbotic? Haha yeah. Funny. 2 more days to pipa exammmmmmm!!!!!! I AM SO DARN SCARED K. :/// gonna celebrate with all my life after 10 Dec! YEAH MANZXZZ. Oh yeah, im in love with this photo editing app! Haha can edit photos and make u look more glam^^ i likeyyyyy!!! Aight gotta go sleeeeeep! GLAD THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO UPDATE EVERYDAY HAHAHA. Ohhh i shall show u a before and after pic of me for the editing app! Yeah not a BIGGGGGG difference but it helps with the complexion and stuff haha! Enjoy!

2011-11-27T19:47:00.001-08:00

I NEED SOMEONE TO HUGG ;(

Real.

2011-11-27T09:08:00.001-08:00

I AM OFFICIALLY DAM F****** SCARED. 3 days to diploma. Cant get the pieces down yet. I am so screwed. Lord,give me strength and courage. AMENNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!
Didnt do much today. Practiced for about 5 hours and spent rest of the day watching Xiaxue's guide to life. Yeah shes quite fake(face,not personality) but shes super entertaining and nice. Hahaha really cool woman (since shes like going 30) yeah. Shit manzx im dam scared. Seriously. Gotta sleep then will wake up early in the morning to practice again. My life will be like that until 10 December. I WANT GO OUT LUH!.....provided i have someone i wanna go out with ;( kk byee.

Discipline.

2011-11-25T21:27:00.001-08:00

Having a real tiring life now. Its either work out or pipa. No time for anything else......i wanna go out more but no one to go out with. December 10 is my last pipa day and then i have to start studying for next year. Gonna be real tiring. Holidays are terrible. School's worse though.....okay, not really cause we have friends. Next year Os! Haha cant wait to get over and done with it. I know its gonna be real grinding and winding (idk what tt means) but itll be fun at the end of the year. And....yeah gotta start thinking about which jc i wanna go to.... VJC seems really nice now to be honest. But its far. Oh you must be wondering why i think that its nice. Well, they have good academic standards, school's quite nice (facilities) and mainly the spirit and enthusiasm in the people there. THATS THE OWNAGE PART. The people there are SOOOOOOOOOO enthusiastic about life and activites. That attracts me to them the most. Oh yeah...and 60% girls? Hahha thats a bonus heheeee -grins- idk manxz haha. I know i'll do well for Os. Just gotta decide where i wannna goooooo! Oh apparently SA is not bad too and my tuition teacher says ACJC is the best. According to my brother it's "hospital" -like haha. Pretty cool. Oh wells still got about a year to think about it. Hmmm i smell bubblegum.... Yuck...... Haha srry just went to eat oh yeah pipa later. Hmm quite scared i wont be ablt to pass diploma....dayumm. Gotta practice like crazy these few days. NO EXCUSES BITCH! Hahahahaha. Aighaight gotta go bathe see ya later!

Know.

2011-11-24T09:18:00.001-08:00

Girl i love you. U just dont know.

Affair.

2011-11-24T08:25:00.001-08:00

Yesssssss. VICTORIAN AFFAIR WAS DAM FUN! jumped and jumped and screamed and ran about and ruled the stage :)) omg the gurls dam cuteeeee hahahahaha^^ shit i feel like a perv. Theres the girl whos like in charge of the event so cuteee hahaha. Shaved side and stuff. Really cool haha but not my type hahahahah. Anyways it was super fun and im kinda tired nowww!. Gonna hardcore practice pipa tomorrow! Diploma in 5 days! JIAYOUESMOND! Lol i thought today was 26th haha lol. Screwed up my dates hahahaha. Oh yeah, got my victorian affair shirt! Yayyyyy!!!!^^ awesomeeee! Hahaha so cool luh!
Yeah so today was all about victorian affair. Didnt do anything else haha. Trolled alot of people haha. Theywere doing mass dance then i was like "跳! 跳! 跳! 跳! 公教! 公教!" hahaha so enthu right? OH AND I WAS TOLD I WAS CUTE BY SOME GIRLS! EGOOOO BOOOOOOST OKAYYYY! Awesome heeeeee^^ aight gonna sleep. Next 2 weeks are gonna be dam boring unless you wanna go out haha. Kk gotta sleep. Nights <3333

Ready.

2011-11-23T08:17:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow's the event! Not gonna be able to sleep much tonight i guess......idk what to type here. Im like so mixed up with my feelings right now, its hard to describe. Wayy to many things in my head. All about the same thing. Im crazy. Thats why im taurus. Girl-crazy.

Much.

2011-11-23T06:43:00.001-08:00

Your response speaks alot.

Dedication.

2011-11-22T07:53:00.001-08:00

You dont wanna come. I have no choice then. Cant do one for you. Anyways it'll be some small thing in your eyes. Everything from me means very little to you. Very little. Anyways had hardwyred practice today. Thats about it for the entire day. Yeah..... Didnt do much, no one to go out with as well. Im pretty much a lonely soul that no one cares about anymore. Thats why i like going to school. My friends are there. Weekends and holidays? Noone. I used to have someone but not anymore. Moving on is a simple thing but what it leaves behind is hard. Now i cant do anything. Im back to my lonely state again about a year and a half ago where i had no kne there for me when i needed someone. You know that i could use somebody. Someone like you. But u just ignore me. Nonetheless im useless. At least to you. Guess im gonna go out myself alone tomorrow. Youre having fun while i take the pain. Yeah, thats how life is. I bet you dont even know im talking about you. You'll just laugh my word off either ways. Im never serious about anything. I wonder if its possible to live so long alone. I think thoughts of suicide will fill the mind. I bet when i die, you wont come and see me. Im sure. Ill never be a part of your life. Never. Youre always going about someone else. Anything. Guess thats about it.

Floating mind.

2011-11-21T08:45:00.001-08:00

I've been having really weird dreams lately. Previously i used to dream about Bianca everyday. Shes like still so stuck in my head. Now, all she has to do is appear on my "most recent" in facebook and I'll dream about her all over again. Talk about crazy. Haha. Oh anyways I had this reallyreally weird dream last night. Absolutely crazy. I dreamt that I went out with Shantelle and we kissed. Im like huhhh! It was quite nice though to be honest hehe^^ but its extremely weird cause I have never talked to her and we were just kindergarden classmates. So weird. Hahaha :) anyways had fun today. Woke up at 1pm, watched XiaXue's guide to life episodes on youtube until about 330pm then went for dental. After that, came home, cooked for myself then to catholic high for practice. HARDWYRED \m/ haha practiced alot today. Our song Green-tinted sixties mind is quite alright for now. The vocal parts i have is seriously taxing haha. I have a screwed voice now(not that i had a good voice to atart with :P) . Anyways, practice tomorrow and i wanna find someone to go out with me tmr or wednesday. To buy bass strings. Pretty please? Hope youre free :) Aight gotta sleep. Wonder what dream im gonna have tonight haha. Aight seeya! <3

Set.

2011-11-21T08:30:00.001-08:00

Ill post one more later haha. For now, here's the set for thursday's performance "Victorian Affair" at marina bay boulevard.

Damn.

2011-11-20T10:13:00.001-08:00

I am so frustrated. Is it that difficult to reply? What happened seriously? Im done here. Ill just walk away. Ill stay away from it. Too unpredictable. Its scary.

Sorry.

2011-11-19T09:32:00.001-08:00

I am really disappointed in you. Im sorry but i really am.

Here.

2011-11-18T08:25:00.001-08:00

I think we people need to see things that are right in front of us. That one guy/girl who has been there for you all this time, watching quietly, yes, she/he deserves something. Appreciate everyone. You might never know who's coming or going next. I see lonely people. People just like me. But what do we wanna do? Continue to feel sad and depressed and stay on the same spot that already sank? I know how it feels. That one person you loved so muc just left you in the lurch and leaves you in pain. I did it to someone before so its retribution. How should we handle it? Honestly im about 70-80% over her. Yes, shes beautiful, smart,lovely,sexy and all, but shes gone. Yes i want her back but i cant. So we move on. Are we as humans so dominated by what we feel and not what is logical? Time heals but if you dont want to be healed, you wont. I feel that sometimes we're pretty much crazy. Its beautiful during the period of getting into a relationship and stuff and yes we remember those times. They're etched deeeply into our hearts. We dont have to let it go, we just have to put it at the back and allow what's in front of us to come in! Its like a barrier you know. Being heartbroken and all just means you repel everyone away from you. All that competition and all that friends. We need them. Why do we want to torture ourselves? Do what you wont regret. I made it clear to myself that with that last try if she still didnt repond that i would give her up most definitely. Although i took some time, i did it. Im moving on here but some people just repel you. They're going through it and it just doesnt seem to go in. So much for numbskull. More like numbheart. My point is, the world revolves around you. Everything you do is from your perspective. If you wanna let an "experience" kill your motivation and cause you to tear/cry then so be it. Its supposed to teach you to appreciate things better. Not to kill you. Maybe as a guy i dont understand girls too well. Maybe i dont know what they're feeling. I honestly think that guys have to take the hardest part of love. We go after girls and get rejected continually. Girls get rejected and they cry till they die. Yes i know i sound like a biased asshole but its true in the modern world. Guys take the crap. Girls? Well yes they are created to overthink things and stuff but thats why guys and girls and meant to complement each other. Right now i just need a girl who can chill with me. Relationship? Keep it simple i say. Just having someone who can chill with you and follow you around is good enough. Yes, i had the girl of my dreams but she wasnt too "chill". She had her reputation as head prefect, pressure from her parents, grades, friends on the line. She didnt want anything to be affected by our relationship. I could bear with it for a while but its just so wrong to me. Is it wrong to be in a relationship? What if its beneficial? What if we're different from those who cant do well in school? If we do well in school while being together would you as parents allow us to be together? I really wonder. Is a relationship just about marriage? Cant we just have someone there to listen and care for us? I mean like, why did we have to hide? Does reputation mean so mich to you? What has this society become? Having a boyfriend/girlfriend is wrong? Its attraction. Human nature. Doesnt hurt if we're mature enough. Anyways back to reality. Im just wondering how much of a possibility is it that someone just takes what you prepared for an hour so easily for granted? I mean its so weird. When i do it, nothing. When he does it, BAM! You fall in love. Huh? Its like that? I am so amused. Girls are just so weird to me. But thats what make them so attractive to me. Haha i really dont know if anyone would be reading this but yeah this is pretty much just the tip of the iceberg of what i have to say. Ill be ranting more soon haha. Hope i find someone right for me soon!

Lord, ive waited and healed enough. Give me someone to chill with. Love you. Amen. :)

2011-11-18T05:37:00.001-08:00

Waited my whole life to be with you.

2011-11-18T04:15:00.001-08:00

Had fun going out with the guys again :) audition was okay although the girls didnt seem to like it. Oh wells. Aight gotta bathe. Not gonna think too much about girls and stuff thats gotta do with love. :)

135.

2011-11-17T22:51:00.001-08:00

On the bus now towards VJ. Its excruciating. Wayy too slow. Like a snail crawling. Not sure where to alight haha. Oh wells gotta trust my iphone and my senses. Hahaha^^ looks like its gonna rain. Im gonna be late too :/ shyttttt ;((( i hate being lateeee. Hurry up you slow bus!!! Kaykay cya later :)

Cage.

2011-11-17T20:30:00.001-08:00

Done with football, now rushing back to get my bass and bathe. Gotta rush to vjc after that. Im srry. Everything i do doesnt count. It just doesnt. Not enough? Not part of what u expected? Not possible? I guess so. Well its too bad then. Thanks.

Since.

2011-11-17T08:29:00.001-08:00

Its 12:21am now so its technically friday today. Todays gonna be awesome! (i hope!) waking up early in the morning to prepare myself for the onslaught. Gonna run like im playing a full field match. Gosh its gonna be crazy. Needa get my legs ready haha. Wish you would come with me. Needa rush home after that and get my bass. Then rush to VJC. Haha auditions for Hardwyred. Hope we can play at marina bay! Pray that nothing goes wrong later! Aight i spent 4 mins typing this haha. Cool. Lets go!

Wonder if you would take the time to understand this.

gaSasoMasoSashsboMajasjoE

2011-11-17T01:04:00.001-08:00

I need to get a present for my friend. Idk what to get. :/

2011-11-17T00:55:00.001-08:00

She's got friends and guys that want her. I dont.

2011-11-17T00:53:00.001-08:00

In tuition now......i see her. Still the same. Haiz. Gonna go for rock band practice later at 6+ . Audition tmr! Slightly nervous haha. Reallyreally wanna get through and perform at marina bay. Tmr's fun. Today more or less sucks. The number of sms-es i receive in a day has dropped from. 300 a day back in May to 2 a day. Im pathetic. Thats why no one wants/needs me.

You.

2011-11-16T09:49:00.001-08:00

You dont know. You dont.

No.

2011-11-16T09:48:00.001-08:00

No one needs me anymore. NO ONE. Im a useless inanimate object without feelings. Just hurt me. Break me. Kill me.

If.

2011-11-16T09:43:00.001-08:00

If not for football, i would have killed myself. I hate this life.

Walk.

2011-11-15T18:48:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was fun :) went out with aspen to queensway, anchorpoint, city hall, then tpy haha. He blight a pair of shoes and a t-shirt. I bought 2! Yayyyy hahahaha^^ mannn i wanna go out today...........i wanna go out for dinner with someone..... :/// neverminddd..... Gonna try on my new t-shirts again later hahaha. ^^

2011-11-15T08:07:00.001-08:00

This is how we'd be.

I really do.

2011-11-14T07:44:00.001-08:00

Never sms u today ;( I miss you. 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢

Happy.

2011-11-13T03:47:00.001-08:00

TODAY WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Haha went for tuition in the afternoon and ate prata. LOVEEE IT! Mushroom and cheese prata followed by milo prata^^ greattt! after that went to kovan to meet FEEOHHNAAA^^ haha. She said she was having flu so i sat down and checked online which vitamins would help with that. Vitamin C^^ hahah went down to cold storage and found the drink with the most vitamin C in it! 30mg i think! Twice as much as normal vitamin drinks hahahah^^ then she came :)) hahaha sooo cuteee^^ waited for bus with her then went off. Crazy lightning at marymt, thought match was cancelled but it wasnt. Dad brought me there and played. Hahaha was thinkin of wayne rooney the entire time :) born striker. I came on for about 25 mins and scored. Easy hahaha^^ penalty :)))))) showed my confidence and ability^^ aight im on the score sheet now. Gotta get 3 more to beat the top scorer. Aightttttttt gonna bathe now. Haha jy fiona on your studies!

Shall copy! HAPPY KID SIGNING OFF!
XXXX

Am i?

2011-11-12T18:18:00.001-08:00

Waiting for a reply haha :) gotta go for physics tuition at 12..... Reply soon kay? :)

Now.

2011-11-11T23:36:00.001-08:00

Finally. The last part of the worst day of the week.

2011-11-11T18:24:00.001-08:00

I am frustrated. Completely frustrated.

2011-11-11T09:02:00.001-08:00

Huh.

2011-11-11T08:57:00.001-08:00

I am so confused right now. What do you mean by doing that? Im so lost. Youre one of the few people that could only make me feel this way. I dont know what to do haha. :/

-the road ahead is through the clouds,
youll never know what its like-

Hi.

2011-11-10T07:54:00.001-08:00

PLEASE STAY STRONG. IM HERE IF U NEED ME.

<3

2011-11-09T07:46:00.001-08:00

It's in your eyes and it's in your smile
It's never been like this before
Maybe it's the way you laugh
I've never loved so much before
The phone calls I never want to end
Your everything that my lifes been missing and now I can't believe that this is happening to me
Through the good and bad, the happy
and the sad you wont be away from home
I promise that I'll be faithful and true devoted to you through it all and I'll gladly be your one and everything. Right by your side, give my shoulder when you cry and if you fall Ill just love you more with everyday that ends
It's like I'm falling in love over and again.......

Procras....

2011-11-08T23:18:00.001-08:00

Sitting on my chair. Doing nothing. Im tired :/ i still need to
1)Do some chinese
2)Read more essays
3)Practice Pipa
4)Go for stupid tuition (hope she doesnt come)
5)Make arrangements for tomorrow.

I know tomorrow's gonna be exciting, but what can be more exciting than 11:11:11? Hahahahaahhahahahhahahahahahaahhahahahahahahahhaahha oh shucks. OH SH....i have HardWyred practice on that day......hahaha but it wont clashhhhh^^ yayyyyyyyyyyyy aigh gotta practice pipa now..... SIANZXZXZ!

Late......not.

2011-11-08T16:47:00.001-08:00

Woke up at 820 thinkin that im screwed. Rushed to brush my teeth and stuff then ran to school..... Reached the room and realised that it starts at 11....... Ughh......... Hmmm nvm shall go eat! Hahah no one at the teacher's tableeeee :)

Grant.

2011-11-08T06:37:00.001-08:00

AWESOMEEEEEEEE DAYYYYY TODAYYYYYY!!!!! Havent had such a fantastic day in a longlong time. Haha was really smiling all the way home :) had so much fun with FiFi^^ hahaha shes just so cuteee^^ (to me at least =D) didnt do much studying today, but overall extremely satisfying. Haha im slowly forgetting about her! AWESOMEEE!^^ dont have to live in sorrow and self pity anymore. Glad i made the choice of asking Fiona out to study heheeee^^ aight gonna read afew more essays before i sleeeepppppppppppp!!!! Breaking in my boots now^^ THANK YOU FIONA FOR BEING SUCH A GREAT FRIEND^^ Aight seeya tmr? Haha see how =D

HEHEEEE^^

2011-11-08T03:48:00.001-08:00

Hi pretty^^^

2011-11-08T00:37:00.001-08:00

TERRIBLEEEEEE

Yay!

2011-11-07T08:24:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow gonna go out and study wif CUTEEEE GIRLL!!! YAYYYYYY SOOO EXCITEDDDDDDDDDDXXXXXX HEHEEEE^^^^^^^ aighttttttt seeya!

Fun.

2011-11-05T10:53:00.001-07:00

Yeah today was a great day!(technically ytd cause its 1:50 now)
Haha went for rock band practice in the afternoon then lunch and 4-4-2!
Went home to practice pipa for abit then went to Robby's house to practice Smoke On The Water! Awesome! Ate at RK House after that and midnight McFlurry! One of the best days ever in a longlong time :) haha i dont wanna live in pain. Especially the pain that she left me with. Just breaks my heart again and again. UGH. Alright frustrated by my phone and lappy. Cant seem to upload the vid of us playing the song. Dam. Aight gonna sleep then upload it tomorrow! See you soon! NIGHTS!

Lost.

2011-11-04T08:03:00.001-07:00

I feel empty. I have goals but no drive. I feel alone. No one wants to talk tome. No one needs me. I need attention. I wanna give all my attention to someone i really love. But i dont. No one. I need it. Theres no one. Will you help me?

Again.

2011-11-02T00:33:00.001-07:00

Yeah I gonna go for A maths tuition soon again...... Really wish I enjoy going tuition again. She just gives me that extra drive. Now tuition's just a hassle. A terrible way to remember the pain. Now that Jian Zhen's joining tuition, i really wonder what it would be like. I still cant seem to get over her. LORD PLEASE HELP ME! Argh im tired and pressured. Really just wanna have a day where i have really NOTHING TO DO. I have way too many things to worry and think about. Right now its mainly her, my two diplomas, O level chinese, and holiday homework. Its really tough. Going through one of the most difficult times i ever experienced in my life. I know it'll make me stronger and i know I'll enjoy looking back in the future but....yeah. Right now, terrible. I NEED THE STRENGTH AND CONFIDENCE! Hope something good happens :)